Lucid Dreaming: A Conversation with Eir.

What is the power of lucid dreaming and how can it help me to heal from fibromyalgia? I have been working to free myself of this disease caused by past trauma for some time now through diet, exercise and meditation. Meditation has led me to the reality of the quantum field. If I step away from my body, leave it to its own healing process without interference from my thoughts, beliefs and neurosis it will heal itself. The miracle is this is what it is designed to do! Einstein said “ The field is the sole governing agency of the particle”.

We usually think of our body is all matter or particle. In truth our body is more space than particle but we have an outer world material mindset of reality. What if the outer world was a reality created by our, thoughts, past experiences, belief systems and patterns? What if reality is where you place your attention? I ask myself many questions to disrupt my mind set, my stuck patterns of thinking and feeling. What if saying, “I have fibromyalgia”, reinforces the disease?

If my attention is on pain then my reality is pain and quite literally I am sick of it and in being in it.What works is to go out of your body into a transcendental state so that the body can get on with its healing without me interrupting it, In the space of myself I am no longer putting my attention on my body or on pain in it.I had two lucid dreams this night. In lucid dreaming I am in the quantum field and space of my being. I both witness the dream and am consciously active in it. The transcendental state is when the body is asleep but the mind is awake. It doesn’t feel as though I alone am the creator of the dream but that a higher or essential self is. This Jean Houston calls the entelechy. This self is the face you wore before you were born.When you are having a powerful inner event the brain and the body get reprogrammed.

So I was doing one of Dr Joe Dispenza’s “Activation of the Pineal Gland” meditations which can lead to lucid dreaming..In the first dream I saw the future now dancer self and at the same time was the dancer, outlined in red spinning, and spinning like a dervish dancer. Now as I/she dances gossamer silver threads start spinning out from me/her creating a connection to new fields or meta levels. These are a multidimensional field of self. I/she becomes like a flying spider spreading its silken threads over the Autumn paddocks.

In the second dream during actual sleep I am in my gym working out with my trainer only my trainer is not Carrie she is Eir , the Viking Goddess of healing, an ancestral figure symbolising the essential self. In one of my recent art works,( completed exactly a month ago,) “ She is Eir”, you can see me at the top of the collage watching Eir reveal herself to me. I had this conversation with her.

Jan: “ What can I be doing to heal myself of fibromyalgia?

Eir: “ Nothing! No Thing! It is already done. You don’t do the healing Jan you provide the opportunity for me to do it.”

Jan: I see. I keep thinking I I am the one responsible and in control of this life I am living but actually I am not. I am not awakened enough to be in charge.”

Eir: “ You are awakened enough to know the soul threads of your multidimensional lives link you to All. You are just the one in the material world most of the time. You still think the material world is reality. It is not THE reality. It is somewhat an illusion because of your sensory, thought and language perception. For example; when you see a tree you divide it up into roots, trunk, bough, branches, leaves and flowers etc. Sometimes you feel its bark and listen to the wind in the leaves but this is NOT a tree. It is only your perception based on your outer world learning. A tree is not separated by anything in the field and neither are you. Look with your inner eyes and hear with your inner ears. The inner world experience is more real than the outer.”

Jan: “OK I am beginning to have a sense of this, It is only my outer world frame of reference not reality. So is what I perceive or experience as pain only there because I attend to it as pain?”

Eir: Certainly. Pain is real in the human material particles of the body but in the spaces it does not exist. What you experience as pain is a malfunction of the brain and nervous system. It is jammed energy and stress on the material dimension. Are you feeling pain now?”

Jan: “No not at all”. I begin to cry with joy and feel a warmth of immense gratitude.

Eir: So here, in this dimension, you are already healed and all will transform in your outer world life if you stand out of the way.”I am so grateful to have had this conversation which I immediately wrote down as I woke myself up to do so. It is the longest conversation I have experienced with my essential self in the form of a dream figure. My heart is full and I am laughing.

Uncovering the Mysteries of Time.

In my Soul Journey Coaching Programme Walking the Wildflower Path, the sojourners experience moving beyond our usual, limited understanding of time to just linear time. We discover how time present, time past and time future can come together in a multidimensional experience in the Now moment.

Lineal time is something we humans invented. We measure it in seconds, minutes, days, weeks months and years. This is what the Greeks called Chronos Times. We also have time measured in seasons, equinoxes and solstice time along with holy season times in all religions. Generally these fit into the solar year.

I have written many poems about time. Here is one honouring the dawn my favourite of day.


Dawn reaches out,
under black starred velvet covers,
to embrace her golden lover.
Whiti te Ra!,
Behold the Sun!

We make time, save time, waste time, fritter time away and often complain how little time we have and how it is running out! Such is the nature of our socialised thinking. What if we transcended the lineal time trap and stopped becoming victims of our limited, habitual thinking about time?

There are many different types of time when Walking the Wildflower Path. The most important time to begin a meaningful Soul journey with is what the Greeks called Kairos time and this is what I want to give you a snippet of today.

Kairos Time
This means designating hours or days as sacred or Kairotic days. Kairos means the opportune moment or loaded time. It is deeply meaningful. The opposite may be what we call wasted time. Here you do a certain amount of work, as I am doing now, but it is within my kariotic day. Soon I will paint and write a poem or a metaphoric story in this Kariotic Day. All the day I will be reminding myself to return to the heart mind and this will alter the depth of my activities and take them out of the mundane. More and more my days are Kariotic days or at least have hours of Kairos in them. Every day then becomes a potent, sacred day, at least in part because of a change in my consciousness and purpose but also because of the power of the Now.

Begin by setting a time every day to be in your heartmind. Try 20 minutes to begin with. You can walk, write, draw, journal, reflect, meditate or pray. This a time of being purposeful, meaningful and alone with yourself. The powers of gratitude, joy, love and compassion will soon arise in these moments of you being fully present. You can never be too busy to fully BE with or in The Essential Self.

If you would like to discover other dimensions of time to bring joy, create, and soul journey join me in my six month Soul Journey Programme Walking the Wildflower Path.

From my heart inn me to your heart in you


Interview With Devorah Spillman

This is my interview with Devorah Spilman on the Path to Purpose Project. I am talking about the Heart Mind and Brain Coherence which is the basis of my Soul Journey Programme. Devorah is my mentor this year and facilitates The InStory Way. My six month Soul Journeying Programme is available through my website

Posted by Jan Illingsworth on Tuesday, June 19, 2018
View this interview for more information about the heartmind practice in my life.

“What is Soul, Who Am I ?”

© Jan Illingsworth 2019

The Three Existential Questions

Most sojourners coming into Walking the Wildflower Path with me have these three existential questions on their minds. There is an innate yearning in us to know who we truly are. It is possible that we may never know but I think the journey into the heart mind begins to open up possibilities and maybe even probabilities to us. Many religions have tried to answer these questions but I found some of them unsatisfying and sometimes, in my opinion, down right wrong. For instance, the notion that we are beings born with original sin and need to spend our lives rectifying this is an utter nonsense to me and somewhat abhorrent. My sense is that the opposite is true, that we are born innocent and soul full becoming something less than this as socialisation, dichotomies, and separation from our soul self become more and more established in our ego development. One thing is certain we cannot know through belief, through swallowing dogma, or by being told. We need to have experiences of who, what and why for ourselves. This is what my Soul Coaching helps to facilitate.

Who Are We Really?

We really don’t know who we are when we try to define this question using the thinking mind. Who we are is almost unexplainable I have found because the nano second I have an explanation something shifts or a hole, something missing, becomes evident. It is as if we are both “ Ourselves” , “me”, “I”, and something other. We are something different from our ordinary Joe Blogs self. Thomas Moore says we are “ presence first and a person secondly” That is just about the best definition I have come across and yet this too seems vague and implies a dichotomy. Perhaps we are only Soul and everything else is illusory.

You are not the constant prattling voice in your mind. This monkey mind belongs to the ego and if you doubt this spend five minutes writing down everything you think. This is sometimes called a stream of consciousness although when you review the content it is not the kind of consciousness we want. At best it is repeated information about something we have already learned, perhaps a pleasant memory but at worst it is criticism, self beration, nasty history, self blame and worry. I call this last year’s news. It is like one of those old fashioned reel to reel tape that keeps playing over and over or an outdated computer programme. When we act on this chatter we suffer. It has been said we are the one who is listening but I doubt this too. It would seem to me that the listener is another constellation of thoughts, often personified as the inner child. Another aspect of ego which thinks it has to listen to this inner authoritative commentary. So on our Soul journey together I pay scant attention to this chatter and old patterns except to note they are there and are blocking you from knowing the true self. As Einstein said you cannot resolve the problem at the level of the problem. I don’t advocate doing anything much with the ego. Know it either inflates ( grandiosity and narcissism) or deflates ( poor self esteem and self loathing). When you live consistently from heart mind coherence the ego fades away. The more you try to get rid of the ego the more it rears its ugly or often comical head. I sometimes imagine my ego as a dancing clown who sees the stage and comes prancinging across, somersaulting and making funny faces. It is the try hard, often pompous fool.

We are something far greater than the ego. Something which is indefinable but can be experienced. It has many names. Some call it the Witness, the Soul, the Entelechy, The Higher Self, Isness. Carl Jung saw the Soul as a vessel, the alchemical vessel. From this self you have no history, no birth, no death, no boundary. Our Soul seems to be a constant living presence we can experience with us, within our heart mind. Perhaps we are not a soul walking the wildflower path in a body but an endless , conscious universe within which we are walking as a bodymind, a fantastic, material phenomena, we call a human being.

The definition of who or what we are is actually not of great import. Don’t wait for clarity. Instead embrace your not knowing and delight in the experiencing.The minute we define it, put words to it, it seems to disappear. Any definition becomes redundant in the next moment. Process is constant change moment to moment and we are process. You are not that same you as you were yesterday or half an hour ago or even a nanosecond ago. Live from your heart mind and let your heart mind be you.

Getting out of your own way is something we all struggle with. Our ego thinking it knows stymies us. When we suffer the ego self tries resolve our suffering and can only come up with neurotic solutions, compensatory behaviour and repeated patterns which haven’t worked, don’t work and never will work. As one of my teachers, Fred Grosse, said to me, “ going around and around in circles gives the illusion of movement but only digs a deeper track from which we struggle to emerge.”

Instead play hopscotch in the half light. When I was a girl of about nine my favourite time of day was in the long twilights of late summer. I loved to be outside away from the household drama which was pretty constant in my family. Sometimes I practiced hopscotch. As I threw the tin into the farthest squares I really couldn’t see where it would land so I would use my instinct and sense into the distance from where I was to where I hoped the tin would land. With practice I got better and better at it. The Soul Journey is like this. We have to make our move in the half light into the dark. Moving from this wonderful place of not knowing, being curious to see what is beyond and becoming a Seeker.

Know that even when things seem to be really bad and you are suffering, when all is not well at all in your present experience, in truth all is well and will be well. It is your journey unfolding and although you may not see it now there is a silver lining. Go into your heart mind, into the warm dark, breathe and trust. Feel into compassion, love and gratitude and know “ All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.” Julian of Norwich.

Join me in my six month programme ” Walking the Wildflower Path to experience your Soul Self. It will change your life for the better.

From my heart inn me to your heart in you,


One Breath. One Line

If you are someone who is telling yourself you can’t draw this activity is a wonderful re-training for your thinking mind. We tell ourselves a great many untruths. If a thought begins with “ I can’t” this is a big clue that what is about to follow is a lie, a belief habit we have learned from others in the outside world.

Breathe in, breathe out, draw a line:

So try this. Breathe and for each out breath draw a line. We are not trying to draw anything. That is all we need to do. It is a joyful experience once you stop thinking. There is no right way or wrong way. There is no destination and nothing to achieve. Relax, breathe in, breathe out, drawing a line. Repeat. Continue until you feel a gentle relaxation. These drawings I call “Vessels of Breath” You can stop whenever you feel like stopping. It will quieten your monkey mind and bring you back to peace.

Be as a Small Child,

Children when handed pencils and paper will draw happily. It never enters their minds that thought, ” I can’t draw”, that comes later in our training. This training in negative self judgement is not helpful. It causes us to interrupt our creativity which is an expression of our essential soul self. So cultivate a child mind. A beginner’s mind.

Practice non prejudicial involvement.

This is also known as Open Attention. Open attention is the natural expression of a consciousness, from the heart mind,which is not preoccupied with achieving one thing or another or is making a judgement about what is right or wrong, what has priority or not. … Therefore, in this sitting still and listening we do not lose ourself but maintain the awareness of the Heart, of the source of the essential soul self connecting to the great Soul.

We don’t know what to do or how to create anew from our brain alone. So in practicing Heart Mind consciousness we do not decide what is important or not. That is the task of the heart mind not the ordinary local ego. Just enter the heart mind listen and get out of your own way.

Create from this place

You may have noticed in my intuitive art style I don’t have rules. I am just involved in every moment of creating. I have no idea what will emerge. I have no set outcome or destination. I am like a child. I just create. We cannot create or be in the flow when we begin to think there are rules about colour, composition, or perspective or tell ourselves there is a right way and a wrong way to draw or paint.

Blessings on your creating.

From my Heartinn me to your Heart in you,


The Pursuit of Happiness.


The Pursuit of Happiness

So many people I speak to are in pursuit of happiness. This implies happiness lies outside of us. I always get a picture of a little nymph-like ray of sunshine high tailing it down a road as fast as it can with some poor, unhappy person racing behind it. As they run they call,

Come Back to me. Please come back to me.”

 We are looking for our happiness in the outside world. We begin this pursuit with our thinking minds and our emotions because we do not know how to handle them. We try to do this from our ego mind and so we are doomed to fail because one of the main ways the ego structures work is from the place of superstitious magic.  The thinking that if I am very good then I will be rewarded and if I am bad I will be punished is superstitious magic. It is a tough way for most Westerners who work from the religious premise that we are born sinners. So we set out on a redemptive survival path usually with a low self esteem and with very little knowledge of who we truly are. There is not a lot of happiness in not good enough!

Perhaps our happiness is in the hands of someone else? Not at all. Often the exact opposite is true. Adults have the uncanny ability to make each other unhappy. The basic problem here is thinking that life is not happening as it should. I am not being liked, loved and treated as I should be. Life is unfair.

We have relegated the power to create our happiness into the shadow of our limited thinking. There are a million, at least, different ways we could think but we tend to stay with dichotomies of good and bad, happy or unhappy, negative or positive, have or have not, winning and losing etc ad infinitum. The volume of suffering on this planet is unbelievable. Humans can suffer about just about anything.

Remember when you were four or five. You were happy most of the time while playing, eating, being curious about the world. You didn’t think about life you were life. You were absorbed in your beingness . Pain or someone else had to come to make you unhappy.

My earliest memories are of a time before I was three. My parents then lived in a two roomed flat built on the back of a garage. We were relatively poor but we did have shelter, food and warmth. My father was in his first year of teaching. This was just a few years after the Second World War and the baby boomers were arriving. My mother had sent me outside with a friend of my age called Judy. It was Summer. Judy and I picked some bright orange marigold flowers and sat on the ground either side of basin of water. We picked petals off the flowers and dropped them in the water. I remember clearly the slightly acrid and powerful smell of the flowers. We stirred the water, around and around with sticks we had found to use as spoons. We looked and laughed as the petals spun and momentarily became a blur of orange in the clear water. I think we may have put our hands in the water and scooped out the petals throwing them over our own and each others heads. No thinking was involved here. This is pure beingness and it brings us happiness and joy.

 I was eleven and I had a friend called Janice who lived on a sheep farm not far from the country school house where we lived. Often I stayed at Janice’s place for the weekend or in the school holidays. These were happy times for both of us. In the early spring Janice had the job of “going around the sheep” twice a day. We would set out on horse back to ride around the farm to check that the ewes were doing well at lambing time. We were such close friends and took our responsibilities very seriously. Sometimes it would rain and we would let the horses take us home while we lay down in the saddles or sometimes bare backed with our oilskins over our heads.

What a happy, secure feeling this was for me being in a little hot cave of darkness with the heat and smell of the horse feeling the strong muscle movement on my cheek. The air was steamy and I could hear the breathing of the horse and the sound of its feet moving through the wet grass.  Rain pattered on the oilskin and ran down my trousers into my gum boots.

Now look at what has happened in the world. There is an explosion of greed . We think we need more material things or someone else to make us happy! We can create heaven all around us and we will still suffer because we are suffering our own thinking mind. Enter into your heart mind and you will be happy. This is because the heart mind does not think. In our society thinking is highly over rated. It is all last years news.

True happiness comes from within and radiates out of our being into the outer world. What life brings to us , no matter how beautiful, oft times feels too fleeting or not enough and we can fall into the abyss of the gap and yearning for more. How sweet is that first brief taste of a drop of honey on the tongue, much sweeter than the rest of the spoonful. The sense of awe at the colour in a sunset that fades so quickly as we watch attentively. It is as though the sense of completion and satiation is ever just out of reach. This is your thinking mind remembering the experience of being, of oneness, happiness and yearning to return. So do it! Return to your heart and to your beginners mind.

Remember then how, as a young child, you didn’t think or worry about how to be or what you had to do? This was you as a “Seedling Being” in a natural flow state. Then the civilized world began to shape you into a being of dichotomies: right and wrong, good and bad, successful and unsuccessful, worthy and unworthy, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, talented or ordinary, normal or abnormal, ad infinitum.

Being in the flow state is Oneness and your natural birthright. Enter the heart mind and be in your flow state. Stay there and you will meet the quantum, authentic human being you always were. Becoming who you already are is our Soul Journey. We live in enlightening and wonderful times.

When I enter the heart mind and am in my essential self I am in the flow state. I practise staying there and sit in a meeting with the quantum, cosmic and authentic human being I have always been. Becoming who I already am is my Soul Journey. Looking over my art work especially in my art journals I see how understanding which is becoming truth in my thinking mind had already been expressed from the heart mind and right brain coherence. How strange this time delay can be. The arising into the local me and my local world is already manifesting before I am fully cognisant of it. Yes it does seem we are overwhelmed by a grey world but this does not have to be so.

Your ego thought structures may well be unkind… to you and others…because ego is based on suffering, competition, envy and jealousy. I have never met a truly compassionate and heartful ego and I have met a great many people in my work. Fortunately you are not your ego. Perhaps you are only experiencing yourself at the ego level and that possibly is because you are staying in your thinking mind.

It is absolutely never too late to live from your cosmic, essential self, to become the woman or man you have always been in the depth of your heart mind. There, on the inside, is a timeless place, where when you experience your soul self, the very essence of this amazing and unique you. It is a lifetime in each minute. It is as if you have always been this outstandingly brilliant and amazing being for indeed you have. The process of “Becoming” is one of lifting the veils. All will be revealed.

From my heartinn me to your heart in you,

with love,


Igniting Our Senses. Part 1.

Taking time to be in nature

 There is no better way to ignite your senses than to go out into nature.

Here are some notes from one small moment in nature:-It is winter now and drizzling lightly with rain. I fed the birds and walked around my garden, feeling the light cold needling of the misty rain on my face, and searching for the sudden brightness of colour out of the greens and browns of winter. Finding flowers in winter is an absolute delight. I noticed my first daffodil is flowering. Ohhh!, the turn of the seasons is upon me.

Taking time to be in nature is vital to your beings health and the polishing of your senses. Screens, noise pollution of cars and machines, man made artificial or chemical smells, artificial light, beige colours of many home interiors, poor mood brought about by mundane survival living and unhappy relationships, ego and over thinking mind pollution all serve to depress and dull our sense responses.


From this short time in nature 2 five line poems emerged, 

People often ask where I get my uniquely different inspirations for my poetry and art. Being nature and being in my heart mind.  Remember we are not separate from nature we are a being of nature in a human form.

Perception is based on the interpretation of signals sent to the brain by the five senses. Each sense — touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing — affects how we react to the world and how we interpret events around us.


The Winter Tree

Wisdom knots on grizzled trunk.

Moss cloak draped on Northern back,

throat of pale lichen beads.

A solitary amber leaf,

hangs on the winter branch.

Seeing can heal our bodies as well as our souls. Positive imagery can work as a force of nature to help the body restore itself to a more optimal condition. Negative and toxic imagery does the opposite.



Here are some ways to keep developing your visionary powers


  1. Look closely at something. Lets say a favourite shell. Notice things you have never noticed before.. colours shapes, lines and whorls. Note them down in you notebook.

  2.  Pick a colour for the day and take as many photographs of that colour.
  3. Visualize a place that is nearby and familiar to you. Put in as many specific details as you can. Maybe your favourite cafe or even the corner where you sit to relax. Then go and look at the place and see how accurate you were. Anything you missed? Now close your eyes and add the new features to your inner picture.

  4. Now do this similar exercise about a favourite place you had a a child or your future now favourite and as yet unknown favourite place.

  5. Place a flower in a vase just look and observe as many details as you can. Then sketch the flower putting in as many details as you can. Imagine you can enter this flower and find a world with it. Evolve a story about this world.

  6. Each day story your world.  For example when you see the artist sitting in the street sketching jot down words and phrases that emerge from your inner visionary. Write a story about this person.



I have heard such hallowed voices.
Seen such hopeful signs when,
visions through blooming fields spread.
Puawaitanga promises in Summer,
we will meet again when dead.

Jan Illingsworth.

From my heartinn me to your heart in you,

with love,


Stories From My Heart


Once upon a time in a land without time and space a woman sat looking at the still, sacred lake: Te Awa Tino Tapu.

Ah… to gaze upon the still, silver mirror of the sacred lake to see a reflection of who I am. The one watching outside..the one watching inside.

Ah…. to feel the listening lake taking my breath from the very air; from the very soulful breeze now stirring. Ripples reaching out to me. “ Come , come into the cold depths of the half light, the owl light, the twilight. See what you can see here now. You are only just beginning to know the waters wide…Oh you think you cannot cross oer? Then dive into my depths, seek now in this world. Let the water lilies of truth and compassion float upon the surface… dive deeper now to see their roots nourished in the depths of your being. Feel into this underworld. Taste the fertile silt. Go beyond the surface pollutions into the deep fecund where my water feeds the the very earth. This is why the trees bow down to the Lady of the Lake…Viviane your namesake.

Ah …yet yonder hills still call me; “ Come to me, come to me. Return to Te Pahu and the Spring to come. Hear the patu patu ,( beat of the heart the drum of life), in the temenos of Eden again. You left us too quickly, away from the Hawk hung skies and blooded poppy garden. Return, return … our long grasses a pairakete , ( blanket), for your saddening soul.

The End Of Suffering.

Long ago and far away in a place beyond time and space, a woman sat on a bench overlooking the most beautiful garden temenos. Beyond; the stream and weeping willows dusted green with early Spring buds, the Te Pahu valley.

The sun was lowering early in the afternoon into a patch of cerulean sky between the dancing clouds. The sacred mountains on the horizon, a deep secure Prussian blue. Cows munched and mumbled contentedly in the pasture beyond the fence beside her. Steam and rich grassy odours arose from the cow pats and a warm soft , milky, smell from their shining coats stroked the air.

Red poppies bobbed their heads,in delight with the gentle spring breeze, peeping out from their glistening blackened eyes. The shining buttercups, their colour mimicking the sun, whispered the childhood game, “ Do you like butter?”

A pair of hawks swooped and glided in a mating dance above her heavy head:

The Great Dharma Door is Open!
The Great Dharma Door is Open!

She heard them not!
She saw them not!
No senses did she use to breathe in the delights of this Eden.

The small sparrows and white eye finches fluttered over the snowy heads of the Queen Anne’s lace, their songs tasting of honey dew and strawberries. She did not taste the delights of this garden. Nor did she reach to stroke the velvet silver leaves of the lamb’s lugs, or the clacking, rosined, odour of smooth harakeke leaves.

All the delights, all the calling, unable to penetrate the deep, deep fog of melancholy. She was dispirited, depressed and her heart squeezed heavily beneath the weight of her suffering.

“ What ails thee? What ails thee?” asked the busy, patent leather ants as they marched in a long line over her feet.

“ There is a makutu upon me. I was born with it I think and I cannot overcome. Atua does not answer my call. In suffering I am crippled; deaf, dumb and blind. I want to die”, she cried.

The ants, like little Zen monks then replied; “ Die then. Die then. Die to the suffering!”

The great sun was low in the sky now. “ I’ll go down with it”, she said. I will die to this day? Shall I?”

She bowed her head and noticed the raindrops, from the afternoon shower, bright electric blue glass beads hanging on the green, green grass.

Ahhh! One rush of surprised breath and the makutu was broken. Slowly moving her head up and down she watched the drops kaleidoscope through each jeweled droplet; red, orange, yellow,, purple indigo. A miracle of prism light in her human eyes. She laughed softly and cried a little.

As the great sun went down she awakened to this Heaven on Earth , in her very own Paradise, she was as if a child again.

The Great Dharma Door is Always Open.

Blessed are the poor in Spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Pocket Knife

It was a wonderful, magical pocket knife, a present from Nana. In it lay all the magic of a treasure from Tom Sawyer’s pocket. The handle shone brightly, silver, set with blue-green paua colour and, oh, it held such marvelous blades!

Nana had shown the excited child how the attachment for digging stones out of horses’ hooves worked. The cutting blade was very strong and frighteningly sharp. There was corkscrew, a bottle opener, an attachment for opening cans; but best of all, tucked up and folded away, was the nattiest pair of scissors the boy had ever seen.

He often caressed his beautiful pocket knife, feeling its cool, metal smoothness: and taking it frequently from his pocket, he would inspect the blades.

Sitting quietly in the springy, Ngunguru maram grass, he would one by one extract each blade and attachment marveling at their magic, saving always the scissors for last. He felt the pleasure rising in his chest each time the scissors appeared noticing how miraculously they could open and close. Then tucking them gently back into their mottled kingfisher wing case, with great satisfaction, he’d return the knife to his pocket, patting it to see it was safe, and wander off about his boys’ business down on the beach front.

He was an unusual boy with an air of calmness about him. He was a small boy perpetually afraid of, yet excited, about his world. He appeared alone, even with others, and would often gaze about his eyebrows curved in a manner of surprise and his eyes constantly questioning.

It was early afternoon on a very hot summer’s day. The boy hurried toward the wooden bridge which crossed a small inlet stream in the beach village of Ngunguru. His heart pounded with anticipation for the day of the fishing challenge had arrived and he was sure to beat his brother this time. In his right hand he clutched the handle of his green plastic bucket containing the brown and orange cockles he had collected that morning at the early low tide.

In his left hand he held his line carefully wound in the figure of eight fashioned with the hook safely tucked away. The lead sinker was swinging against his grubby knee, in rhythm with his steps, altering only when he paused to wipe the drops of sweat from his face with his forearm.  In his pocket nestled the precious pocket knife which would help him cut the bait and kill the sprats when he caught them.

He felt every inch a fisherman because of the pocket knife. He remembered how he had taken it from his pocket the night before, as he was undressing, and placed it tenderly on the table beside his bed. He had stroked it, felt its special power, and made a wish. He’d known then that he was going to catch more fish than anyone else the next day. Nevertheless he had slept with his fingers crossed as an extra precaution.

Now he smiled softly at his secret and began to jog toward the wooden walk bridge. Once there he halted suddenly and seriously surveyed the scene for the best possy.

His parents and brothers had chosen the bridge but he looked for a more exciting place and found it. On the bank upstream of the bridge a pohutukawa tree hung out over the water. It was the tree the boy chose and he clambered out onto it taking care not to spill the cockles from his bucket.

He lay his body stomach down on the wide bough and gazed into the water flowing softly past moving into the darkness under the bridge. The tree cast flickering, cool shadows over the water refreshing the boy as he looked into the stream noticing the silver flashing of many sprats darting below.

Wow there is a big one!” He thought and, suddenly anxious, scrambled up onto his knees. From his pocket he took his knife, kissed it for luck, and hit a cockle with it smashing the shell. He picked away the fleshy bits revealing the fleshy shellfish and causing the salty, odorous juices to run over the edge of the bottom shell onto the bark of the tree. He hurriedly threaded the cockle onto his hook and lowered the line into the stream.

He placed his pocket knife beside him and once more lowered himself into the prone position keeping very still.

How the sprats darted around the bait, nibbling at it and then speeding away with little tidbits of cockle in their mouths.

He waited for the big one and it wasn’t long before it lazily swam up to the bait surveying it in the manner of a more experienced fish. Still the little ones flashed in and out as the big one hovered there. The boy’s usually wide eyes squinted seeking out the mouth of the big fish.

Come on, come on,” he murmured and with a little flick of his finger, suddenly the fish was on his line.

All the little fish disappeared and the boy sprang up with a triumphant shout, flipping the sprat out of the water and in doing so knocking his magical pocket knife into the water with a sickening plonk.

No! No! It can’t be!” he thought and looked wildly around the tree bough just in case he was mistaken. The sprat and the line flopped; forgotten.

Oh please, please let it be here”, he prayed and looked once again into the water.

This time there was no pleasure in the boy, only a sick, hopeless pain in his stomach and throat. His eyes burned with tears and he now silently cursed the flashing silver of the sprats that raised his hopes; and then dashed them.

How he searched and prayed and wished it were yesterday. Every day for three days he visited the site and daily cried from the agony of the failure of his search.

Sadly, at last he knew that his pocket knife was gone forever from his sight and touch.  He imagined it lying in the sandy mud staying perfect always and never admitting in his fantasy the reality of the rusting he knew the salt water would cause.

Intentional Sacred Doodling.

This is another tool you can use on your Soul Journey.

Begin with ritual in the outer world. If  you cannot because you intend doodling in a meeting  then  imagine it so that the brain knows it is about to enter a sacred space.   Remember the brain cannot tell what the difference is between actual and imagining.  Light a candle, incense,  take three slow breaths, put on the movie or podcast.  Have you pen and paper in front of you and begin.

Now you can enter into the other realms and you can, with practice, consciously do it at multidimensional levels. We are multidimensional beings and are always being and becoming in multi dimensions whether we are aware of this or not.

Intentional Sacred doodling is what you do when you are listening to pod casts, watching a movie, sitting at a meeting. You attend to the outer world yet the hand draws and the heart mind tells the right brain the sensory , mystical experiences to draw. You are not thinking about the content of the drawing. You don’t even have to think about colour. This is important because we don’t want doodles from our ordinary mind. Nor do we want our ego to be doing the drawing. We want to draw without thinking, without interfering with a intentional sacred process.

It is a good idea just to do the doodling in a black ball point pen on white paper. It is as though the doodle, doodles itself.

It doesn’t have to look like anything. It can be quite surreal or even mundane. Being critical of what you doodle is not honouring of the greater mind that is sending you a message. Being critical is just a thinking habit from what we call ego. Ego is not real. It is just an accumulation of thoughts about who we think we are. Ego always demotes or promotes you. Your Essential Self makes no such judgements. Comparing your doodle with someone else’s is also ego thought patterns. Its a bit daft really. I think of my ego as a clown. I can be having a wonderful time and suddenly this clown comes dancing across the screen of my inner mind…da da da da da da…. da da da da da da… da da da da da da … Da! Smile and tell it to skeddadle. Whatever you do don’t give it power by taking it seriously. Remember at one level this is just black and white marks on a piece of paper. It is not going to hang in the Louvre. Smile and have fun.

Once you have finished your doodle. You will be able to sense into this because all along you have been working with intention from the deeper self and it is this that will tell you, you have finished. pin it somewhere you can look at it. Write down any pictures, ideas, dreams, visions, thoughts and songs that come to you. These will help you find meaning arising from the authentic you rather than you seeking meaning from somewhere else. These doodles are very personal and tell your story..

Thirty years ago I did a lot of mandala work and got my clients to do them too. Mandalas are Intentional Sacred Drawings and sometimes doodles. What I have found in recent years that many of the mandalas being drawn are very pretty, have given someone a sense of deep calm and focus they are not always sacred. The sacredness comes from the communication from the deep self, the one that is often just out of awareness. Sometimes the messages and meanings come from ancient teachings and mythology. I suggest you start with free form doodling as the symbols seems easier to read.


From my Heart Inn me to your heart inn you,


The Unfettered Aisling Speaks

The Unfettered Aisling is the dreamer in me.  This is what an aisling is.  It is a very old English word for a dreamer and a mystic.  She appeared out of my Heart Mind practice to help me and to help you.  As she speaks I will continue to add her wisdom. These are her words not mine.

” Your dreaming is creating who you are.  Dream yourself and  your life into greatness.  Your dreaming comes from your essential Self that is woven into the One.”

“Are you afraid of cold shadows on new doorways? Open then to the light behind them.”

” Thinking, wishing,  remembering, and hoping are all processes of the thinking mind.  The thinking mind creates the ego.  The ego is not YOU”

” You are the mystery and the greatest lover you ever desired lives within this mystery.”

” Do not live your life in half light.”

“In the centre of your heart is the garden of Paradise.  Abide here.”

“I speak in birdsong, streams over rocks, the wind in the leaves.  Listen to me and you will hear truth.”

“All your senses are sacred.  Use them to bring you to your essential self.”

” The Heart speaks in two words, ” Yes Life!”

” This life is one of the Universe creating through you and you creating it”.

” Come into a new order where time past, time present and time future are gathered together Now!”

” Barren and bare is the path swept by many.  Find your trail amongst the wildflowers.”

Live your life in the fullness of your senses and let them not be dulled by the mundane.”.

“On your soul journey there was no beginning and there is no destination.  It you think you have arrived, think again!”

” In the greening tides nature weaves a wonderland.”

“Creating is the authentic heart and soul speaking.”

” Be not lured and persuaded by the outside world.”

“All that you seek is found, not in the outer, material world, butin the inner realms of the heart mind.  This is where miracles and manifesting begin.”

” The outer world is your mirror.  When you judge someone else you are judging a part of yourself you have not yet seen”.

” In the twilight and shadows we see ourselves with owl eyes.”

” Looking for fulfillment outside of yourself is like looking for water in a mirage”.

” You can spend your life looking longingly at one star when you have an entire galaxy of stars to explore.”


Listening to Stillness : The sound of silence

Some 20 years ago I climbed half way up Mount Ruapehu on the central plateau of the North Island New Zealand. I climbed up in March so there was no snow except on the peak. I climbed because I was sad and wanted to get away from the noise and drama, gossip and judgement going on below. I climbed because I knew I didn’t know what to do or how to be with the circumstance of my life at the time. As I climbed I imagined I was climbing above the chaos and the struggle into the place of not knowing. A place where not knowing was the best place to be.

It was no great feat as much of the way there was a track and the rest was easy scrambling over rocks. There was no one else around and so I sat on a rock overlooking the plains below. I felt I was sitting in the cobalt sky. I became very still as I began to slow my breathing and, opened eyed, I entered my heart mind. How still and quiet the world was. No machines, no voices, no planes, no sirens, no hustle and bustle.

This,” I thought, “ Is the way the world was before we all went mad.” A couple of hawks circled above me for a long time. I wondered if they were noticing how still I was. I noticed they made no sound.

When I came down from the mountain I was no longer in turmoil about my feeling sad. I was still sad but I had an immense feeling of gratitude and joy to be alive. I knew my life would unfold exactly how it was meant to. The stillness and the silence gave me time to remember who I truly am and what my purpose is in the world. From that time on I have regularly practiced finding stillness and listening to it.

“As I sit quietly doing nothing

Spring comes and grass grows of itself.”

Ch’an Ling Chu Chi

I was in a conference, an on line meeting, recently and the coach was talking about marketing. I found myself developing a pain in my solar plexus and anxiety arising. My thinking became chaotic with how, who, whys and whens. Stop! Stop! This is the commercial world I have left. This is not my way. Then we all went into an inner process so I went into my heart mind and became still. I was happy to sit with my not knowing. My heart conveyed to me in few words, “ Listen to stillness.”

I found myself sitting beside a still, deep indigo lake. It was like mirrored glass and I thought this is how still I must become. Then a beautiful white swan glided across the lake sending ripples out toward me. I enjoyed the swan then realised underneath the beauty and graceful gliding were webbed feet paddling ,for all they were worth, in order to move. “That’s me”, I realised. “I can appear calm and peaceful yet under the surface there are times where I am paddling just as fast as I can.”

The heart mind is the source of everything we need to know. Not our chattering brain, not even the writing, or advice of others although that can help. When we sit in silence in our heart mind we find unconditional love, the wisdom mind or intuitive intelligence that guides us perfectly and safely home.

Sitting in the heart mind and listening to stillness requires utmost simplicity. It requires an open admission to yourself that you don’t know. This creates an intimacy and depth with your authentic beingness and opens up a space for you in your life. Here you can remember who you truly are.

So much of the life we experience in our heads and in the world is fast, chaotic, frightening, neurotic and demanding. This leads to suffering, to feelings of not being enough, not doing enough and not having enough. We call this the rat race and the monkey mind, which is not a happy combination. So we had better take stock of our minds and practice getting them in order. The heart mind is the Master and the other minds, right brain, left brain, monkey mind, the ego mind and emotional mind become the good servants.

When things go wrong we always have the choice to find stillness.


Sometimes there is Sadness

It comes as waves on the blue ocean

washing over me.

It fills my heart

leaving with the next tide.

If you find sitting still difficult try taking a piece of paper and a pencil and make a mark on every out breath. Imagine on every out breath you are breathing out calm. On every in breath breathing in stillness. Do this daily for at least a week and notice any changes.

In my six month “Heart Inn Me” programme we will explore together how to sit in your heart mind and to listen to stillness.  We can then share any blocks you may come across and then the positive outcomes of this practice in your life.

 I will help you to develop Heart Mind and Brain Coherence where all of the chaos of the external world, our obsessing monkey mind, angst and suffering melts away. This can happen, often without you even realising it, as you become more aligned with your true authentic being and Soul Self. You will transform and experience your transpersonal mind too. This six month programme is personalised especially for you as we commit to work and explore together one on one.

Go to the Heart Mind Programme and Store. Open the programme by clicking on the picture for a more detailed look at what my programme offers you. I am looking forward with excitement, and an open heart, to meeting and working with you.

From my heart inn me to your heart in you,